Why Me?

Why me? Why now? There is so much I haven’t done yet. Is this the beginning of the end? I’m not ready. What did I do to deserve this disease? I must be a bad person. This must be a punishment. Did I cause this disease? If only I had exercised more, eaten better, stopped stressing ya da ya da ya da. Will I lose my independence? My mind? My life? My hopes and dreams?

Why not me? Why not now? Are there things I can still do? Am I still breathing and thinking and reading? Is anyone ever ready to have a chronic illness? Can all this wondering, worrying and blaming change what’s happening right this very second?

People get sick and people die. We all know that. We just have a hard time believing it will happen to us. Every second we spend trying to answer these questions is a second we have lost in the present moment. Every ounce of energy we use pondering these questions is an ounce of energy we could have used to learn to manage our disease. Yesterday is a cancelled check. Tomorrow is a promissory note. Today (and this minute) is cash in hand. Spend it wisely.