Boundaries

This week I have been learning (or maybe relearning) how to set boundaries. In July my rheumatologist told me that I could very well be in remission. With lupus that does not mean disease free, it just means the disease is quiet. But it’s still darn good news. I have been happily living a relatively normal life. Stress is a huge factor in triggering lupus flares. Stress makes any disease worse. Stress even causes disease. Guess who decided to visit me during the past two weeks? You got it-Stress with a capital S.

I have more than one job. I like it that way. If I should start to get sick, I can let one go and still survive. Being in a different place nearly every day, I’m not privy to the politics and gossip that happens when you are somewhere day after day. The other good thing about this arrangement is that I can be honest about what I think and about setting boundaries because I won’t starve if I lose that job.

Two days a week I teach music in a small, inner city, private school. It’s work I love. In fact, I would not have considered going back into the classroom for any other kind of school. Without going into all the gory details, this is where Stress appeared. The new principal doesn’t communicate with the teachers. People from the church are telling teachers what to do and what not to do. I’ve lived through that before. The biggest problem is that, over the past three weeks, my time has been wasted over and over again. Many people would say, “Oh well, you are getting paid to be there. Be happy if you don’t have to do anything.” I don’t buy it! Every second of my life is precious and no one has a right to waste my life, even if they are paying me to do so. I teach because I care about the kids. I get angry when something prevents me from doing that.

At first, I just kind of festered silently, hoping things would work out. They didn’t. In fact, they got worse! So at 8 AM on Thursday morning I remembered that suppressing feelings causes stress. Being taken for granted and not having my time and life energy respected is unacceptable. More concerned about jeopardizing my remission than getting in trouble for speaking up, I went to the principal and expressed my frustration. I said what I needed. I asked how we could fix the problem. The coming weeks will tell whether or not I was successful at effecting change.

My own health and sanity come first. No one else has to agree with me or approve of what I do to take care of myself. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can abuse you without your permission.” I’m not giving permission. A good friend and mentor gave me one question to ask myself in order to keep things in perspective. The question brings me back from reliving things that happened. The question stops me from catastrophizing about the future.

What do I need to do to take care of myself right this minute? What do YOU need to do to take care of YOURSELF right this minute? (Thanks HKJ)