The Myth of Venting

This morning I turned off the email notifications for almost all the Facebook illness groups to which I belong. Why? Every day, all day, it is the same thing…people carrying on about every little detail of their chronic illness. They post pictures of rashes and bruises. They obsess endlessly about each symptom. Many of the posts begin or end with the words, “I just need to vent.” Where did we get this idea? Does venting really make anyone feel better? Is our experience of chronic illness validated by telling others how much we suffer?

I will be the first to say that the only way to deal with difficult emotions is to express them and then move on. The only way out is by going through. There are no shortcuts. In fact, buried feelings don’t die, they come back even stronger. We need to explore our feelings and express them. Usually, that expression has to do with words-speaking, journaling, meditating on them. This is far different from “venting.”

Sometimes the pop psychology notion that “venting” is good, is merely a cover for ruminating about our situation. People who vent usually have a litany of complaints that they repeat endlessly. It’s their rosary of suffering. “My partner doesn’t understand. My doctors are stupid. My meds make me nauseous. I wish people could be in my situation, and then they wouldn’t say stupid things. Why doesn't anyone care about what I am going through?” Nothing changes for the better when we do this. In fact, we feel worse because we are consumed with the unfairness of it all. Is it unfair to have a chronic illness? You bet it is! Does complaining help? Not at all!

Instead of “venting” we need to find constructive ways to express what we are feeling. How do we do that? The first thing is to quiet both the body and the mind. As long as was are agitated, as long as we are engaged in incessant mind chatter, we can’t do much else. Journaling is one of my very favorite tools for expressing difficult emotions (and good ones, too). All you need is a notebook and a pen. Go to a quiet place like a park, bookstore, or library. Go in your room and close the door. This time is for you and you alone. Check in with yourself. Start with the question, “How are you doing today?” Then write whatever comes to mind. Don’t censor or edit. Just write. Ideally, you will want to write for 15-20 minutes each time. It takes that long before things really get moving. If you do this several times a week, you will notice that you are “venting” less and living more.