How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?
Whether or not we are aware of it, we spend a lot of time wrestling with our thoughts. If we have chronic illness that wrestling sounds something like this:
I hurt. I am tired. What if this is as good as it gets? What if I become disabled or more disabled than I am? What if I can’t take care of myself? Will I lose my mind? What if my family puts me in a nursing home? How will I survive? And on and on…
We are so busy with our thoughts, that we would do not notice God with us all the time. Observe your thoughts. Pay attention to what you are telling yourself day in and day out. Sit in silence and notice the things you think. Sit down with a piece of paper and write down every thought that comes to your mind without censoring anything. What did you discover?
Awareness is the beginning of change. Carry this awareness of your thoughts with you through the day. Choose more positive, helpful thoughts to replace the negative ones. Instead of “I can’t do anything anymore” you might say “I can love” or “I have the time to really listen to others.” Make up your own new thoughts. One of the wonderful things about being human is that we get to choose what we think!
As the negative self talk subsides, you will find that God has been there all along.
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