Ask for What You Need

Ask for what you need. Give others the gift of allowing them to help. The first week home after a 14 day hospitalization, my oldest son and his wife stayed with me during the day. Weak and frail, I spent my time on the couch or in the bed. The next week my youngest son and his girlfriend took their turn babysitting me. While I was afraid to be alone, I didn’t really want them there all the time. I was afraid of losing my independence, but I never said a word. The kids had no idea what to do for me. They felt as helpless as I was. The first week, my babysitters made sure I was fed and comfortable and then they rearranged my kitchen cupboards. They didn’t know what else to do. At least they weren’t sitting there looking at me with pity and fear and I kept quiet. The next pair of babysitters made sure I was fed and comfortable and THEY re-rearranged my cupboards for the same reason, and I kept silent for the same reason. When they finally left me to my own devices, I couldn’t find a thing!

When I got sick as a child, my mother would sit beside my bed and stroke my forehead ever so gently. Her touch was soothing, her quiet voice reassuring and calming. When she was beside me and everything was going to be OK. I desperately wanted someone to do that for me. The one thing I really needed and wanted was someone who loved me, stroking my forehead, and just being there. No words were needed and certainly no cupboard cleaning. But I didn’t tell them. I didn’t get what I needed. But there is another side to this. My family wanted to help. I was silent about my needs, so they guessed. I ended up resenting the fact that my “stuff” was not where I could find it. Even worse, I robbed them of a chance to help me. When we don’t say what we need, we aren’t being noble and considerate, we are denying others the chance to show their love. What do you truly need? Will you give others the gift of helping you?