I Know Why You're Sick

Isn’t it interesting (and very annoying) to hear people’s explanations of why we are sick and they are not? Most of them seem to give cosmic significance to our illness. Here are a few of my favorites. God is testing you. There must be a lesson you are supposed to learn. Your illness is a gift. Your illness is a blessing in disguise. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. If you had only exercised more, eaten better, stressed less…you wouldn’t have gotten sick. People actually have the audacity to say these things!

A friend was with me when I was taken to the emergency room with pericarditis, pleurisy and pleural effusions, bone marrow failure, thrombocytopenic anemia and beginning renal failure. As I lay on the gurney, struggling to breathe, she said, “See, you should have stopped smoking.” Well, yes, she was right. But my problems were caused by my immune system attacking my own healthy body parts. (And it should be noted that smoking worsens autoimmune disease, especially lupus!) It was her way of making sense out of what was happening. By the way, I was less than gracious.

Our sickness doesn’t make sense to them. Our presence in their lives reminds them that they are also vulnerable. It could happen to them, too! So people construct a chronic illness theory. It’s a theory, not a fact. The theory helps them feel safe, somehow above getting sick. I admit, there are times when I challenge these statements and not too politely. But, realizing what motivates people to say these things, I am able to let it pass.